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2120 Walsh Avenue, Santa Clara, California

Mission City Post 564

SOMETIMES A LAUGH OR TWO JUST HELPS

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Awesome Senior Moment

      Here's a quote from someone who witnessed a recent inter-action between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC. There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America, I politely declined to take one.

      The elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice the young lady said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?"

      The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam . All three died so you could have the right to stand here and badmouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your ass and open it."

GOD BLESS AMERICA

  

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.


The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in Wisconsin."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.  "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One."

The boss says, "Just one?! Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue youremployment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in Wisconsin , but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.  He asked, semi-sarcastically, "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says, "$101,237.65."

The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65?  What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. 

Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast.  So I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.  Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."


The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'"

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Spread the Stupidity

Only in This Stupid World
......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the
Store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


Only in This Stupid World
.....do  people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in This Stupid World
.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in This Stupid World
......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in This Stupid World ...........do we buy hot dogs in packages of
ten and buns in Packages of eight.

 
Only in This Stupid World .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ...
Why the sun lightens Our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why don't you ever see the Headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that Doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made With artificial flavor,and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who Invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of Day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there Mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah Swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the Needle for lethal injections?

You know that Indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep Shrink when it rains?

 Why are they called  Apartments when they are all stuck  together?

 

I like this  one!!!

If con is  the opposite of  Pro, is Congress the opposite of  progress?

If flying is so Safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle)
...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in
awhile.
Spread the Stupidity!

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MILITARY HUMOR
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking,
 
"What time is it?"
 
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

 

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a commercial flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Army aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Air Force aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

 
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No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally.”

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic. 

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”


Sally said, “No”.

Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile” 
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. 

One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!” 

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Assailant Suffers Injuries From  Fall

The store manager for Best Buy in Augusta, GA., told police he observed a male customer on surveillance cameras putting a laptop computer under his jacket.  When confronted the man became irate, knocked down an employee, drew a knife and ran for the door.

Outside on the sidewalk were four Marines collecting toys for the Toys for Tots program. The store manager said the Marines stopped the man, but he stabbed one of the Marines in the back; the injury did not appear to be severe.   After the police and an ambulance arrived at the scene the Marine was transported for treatment.

“The subject was also transported to the local hospital with two broken arms, a broken ankle, a broken leg, several missing teeth, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions, assorted lacerations, a broken nose and a broken jaw …. Injuries he sustained when he slipped and fell off of the curb after stabbing the Marine,” according to a police reported.

FALLING OFF THE CURB:   Code for getting your ass handed to you by a bunch of Marines.

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